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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
No one has ever been in an empty room.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.