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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.