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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.