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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone