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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?