Daily Silly Status

I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.

It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.

Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.

trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...

Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.

Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!

Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck

I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!

I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.

I hope manners is the next cool trend.

Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.

Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.

Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.

Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.