Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.