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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
gua suka sama kamu