Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.