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You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.