Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.