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I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that