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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.