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My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
I wish common sense was more common.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
Girls just wanna have funds.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."