Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.