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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.