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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.