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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"