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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.