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Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.