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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
Why I stay slim? I once was forced to pay for two plane tickets, one for a person who wasn`t travelling with me. That`s why.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
High-five a veteran today.
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.