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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.