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I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
I dream about naps.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
I fake my lol`s