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is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?