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If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Got suspended from Instagram for going on everyone`s food pics and posting the calories.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?