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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.