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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don`t know yet though she`s still in bed
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on