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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.