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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.