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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.