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I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.