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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!