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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.