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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.