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Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
Your things are terrific.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?