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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Some things are better left unsaid...That`s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
My favorite beer is an open one.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!