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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.