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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
Soup of the day: Beer
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.