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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.