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I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.