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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.