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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?