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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?