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I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.