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Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her