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I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"