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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.