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According to my nipples, summer is over
Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.