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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
The future was so much cooler in the past.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.