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I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.