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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?