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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
Sometimes all you need is $100,000
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"