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If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.