Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Ways to die: Steal my food.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.