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Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, "dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I`m just a sh!thead."
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I wish I could veto MY bills.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.