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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen