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When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....