Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.